How love blooms

I have seen love pure, tender wild, shy, jumpy, exuberant, boasty. All these i have seen in people who have just fallen in love, once u start growing growing in it and mature in it, you turn to the more hidden and soft love which everybody sees but you don't make it too obvious. The smile or the sheer expression of "i am the luckiest man in the world on a man's face when he sees his wife dressed up beautifully just for him is unmistakably the best expression you would ever see. I saw that today! not on my friend's face or my brother-in-law's face or my father's face but on my grand father's. My oh-so-young 80 year old grandpa had this amazing joy on his face on seeing his wife dressed up in a kaashti sari (nine yards) only for him. He might smile and give praises when his daughter and grand daughters dress up and ask him how they look but these expressions of love only come out when the love of the purest form, of a husband and wife is blooming still.. so many years of togetherness and separation from their daughters, brought them so close, made their love so strong that it has the power to make it obvious, it has the strength to come out in the open, all head held high and say "i am still alive, much stronger." Contradictorily, it is the oldest and yet the youngest form of love I may have seen.

Pain

Pain, it comes in different forms, sizes, durations. It sometimes comes in the form of people. You can ignore the people, you just can't ignore the pain. It hovers, it sucks out your happiness, like a dementor, it leaves you with no choice but t suffer. Physical pain lasts until you try to cure it. Mental pain, will never stop if you keep trying to cure it. the more you use the scalpel on it, the more it bleeds, the more you try to suture it up, the more it screams. you leave it behind, ignore it and you expect it to walk away like a child throwing tantrums. It pertains, it does the job it was assigned to and only then leaves to dwell in other souls. Pain. It has a mind of its own

my jewellery box

When you find a diamond, u save it n rush to keep it a safe place, you look at it everyday and love it for everything that it is worth; you look at it so much that u get bored of it and take it fr granted wen one day u find that it has lost its lusture and you don't love it anymore. I want to keep my diamond. i am not bored of it, i just don't love it anymore because it has hurt me a lot of times and i am bruised so heavily that no amount of clothing can hide it. i want to keep it but if i don't have room to keep it, if i can't find a worthy jewellery box to keep it in, I don't think i deserve to keep it. Though heavily bruised I just don't want to let it go because it has made me look beautiful a lot of times and I am not ready to give up on that and yet i don't have my jewellery box. i need my jewellery box back. I need to keep this diamond

What makes me cry

Depression, things going against my wish, things not falling into place, things not going the way i wanted them to, people screaming at me, proving my point to someone, contradicting someone elder to me. All these things specifically make me cry. They hit my tear glands so bad that even though i have been putting myself through this particular stone treatment to stop making me cry, I still do. I am not able to make my point and leave it halfway, making people misunderstand me. Agreed I'm no the most highly misunderstood person but when it comes to people who easily pick up misunderstanding rather than reasoning out, I am an easy target and i truly detest such kind of behavior. It runs in my family and I thank my stars and the great Lord who didn't give those ugly genes. Reasoning out is a way to hope that what you thought the situation is, it really isn't, you hope there is a valid reason for everything that happens but when you don't get it, you get disappointed, you might want to stop reasoning out altogether. I haven't yet given up on it and I never wish to. Reasoning out is a good man's virtue and I am going to safeguard mine and trying spreading it to people around me.

songs

songs... Songs have the power; of words of rhythm, of the right instrument, right tone, the right amalgamation of evrything that when put together triggers tour emotions with a kick. Songs build up stuff in your mind. They can make you laugh and cry and smile, they can make you forget the world and walk an extra mile. A sad song triggers ur sad bone (if v hv a funny bone, sad can have a bone too!)it wakes it up from its sleep and drags it out slowly till its wide awake and all rearing to go. The happy bone is always on alert always and a little thing that gets even a little close to joy, makes it work its magic. It puts you in a daze, makes you forget all your sorrows. But yea getting back to my point, songs can trigger unfavorable emotions, emotions dt u nvr knew u had or emotions u nvr wanted to wake up frm d unconscious. Songs sit on ur head n control your life. You obviously have an option of stopping the music but you can't drive your car without the gears! So just cheers to the freakin weekend i'l drink do that yeah

Lifeless life

It's taking me more and more away from my destination. Every tick on the clock is drifting me away from what was supposed to be my destination. It was not only my destination, it was my dream destination. something that every girl wishes for and longs for her entire life and here I am ready to trash it away for my whims. What is painful for me in this entire process is seeing myself getting destroyed and the destruction affecting the person i loved. He is still ready to help me out from this rubble. I am 10 feet or more under the debris still breathing but through my alter ego. I just can't find the switch button. I wonder what made me switch in the first. the reason is unknown to me and I am not taking enough efforts to discover the reason because I am so deeply buried in it already that I find myself thinking about how I am going to live my life ahead with such a situation instead of trying to solve whatever mess has been created. i know I am not responsible for it and probably that is what is keeping me away from digging up everything. I have closed my tool house and there's no more digging up i want to do. I just want to put my new shoes on and start on a new journey but on the same road. I don;t even know if the itinerary of this journey is better. It is indeed colorful with flags and balloons but there are no flowers to make it come alive. i am heading to something very materialistic and I am trying to leave the animate things behind me so that I have no one to talk to or to answer to. My life ahead is going to be lifeless

love....

Love is such a beautiful thing to write about and that's why when you read about it or see the implementation through movies, you get mesmerized and carried away by it. you want to fall in love to experience what you think has been experienced by the writer. This comes to me as a wake up call because I write a lot and wrote about love when i was not in love really! It was an absolutely fictional work of my functional mind. so, when i realised I was in love, I stopped writing about it; as ironic as it may sound. I stopped imagining all the good things cos' I was facing the reality and it didn;t look good. And now suddenly I do not love the person I thought was the love of my life. the person who I knew i will marry. I am actually trying to feel for him by watching movies that made me want to fall in love but that's not really helping. is that a clear signal for me to bail out? To let the love of my life suffer just because i stopped loving him all of a sudden? i thought it must be a phase and that it will pass but it has been over a month now and the feeling refuses to leave my mind, my heart. it stuck on to it like a velcro and if i try to pull it out it will make a lot of noise and that wil not lead to anything. i am confessing here that i don't love my baby anymore, does that make me a bad, horrible person? i have never felt like this before! i have never suddenly stopped loving a person i have loved by default. that's an impossible emotion for my brain to capture and yet it did! that's crazy thinking my heart syas. It's asking me to wait until 9th November and i shal wait til then.